lennonlover's Blog

My not so vacation.

So ive been on vacation since sunday and like every other vacation ive done nothing fun or for myself thats vacationy. The first 2 days i had this really bad case of food poisoning my bathroom basically became my prison but ive recovered and seem to be ok in my food toleration. My mother on the other hand has been having some problems breathing. Normally around this time she'd be busy getting ready for christmas which is a weeks preparation to make everything perfect.  But since we've been back and forth at the doctor she hasnt been able to do any of the "important" things.  Today she had a very bad reaction to one of the muscle relaxers they gave her. She went completely numb and ended up pantsing me in the parking lot ( she grabbed on to my pockets when she felt funny).  We got her in the doctors office just in time but right after i was on a medication hunt to find the right one she need in her neubelizer. I had to check at least five different pharmacies. Tired and beat from the day i told her she needed to rest. I ordered her to stay in her room and atleast try to sleep a little. I was tired too so i took a breather for 15 mins got up and fed the dogs and proceeded with the normal daily routines such as dishes sweeping laundry. I was even fucking painting a cabinet she had on her check list. Little did i know after everything ive done she was right behind me to criticize. I know shes sick but it still pisses me off that im trying to help her but she wont let me cause ill never do it the why she wants it done. I feel like i like im killing myself trying to be so perfect for her  and shell never be satisfied. 
Im the kind of person who needs to walk away from the situation before i get too hot headed and loose my cool.  But to her thats some form of psychological problem i have. Im tired im frustrated and i really want to get all this shit done but i feel like im losing it. Again i understand shes sick and im trying my best to help but i feel like im getting to the end of my rope. And hoesntly my vacation has left me worn down than rested. I hate the holidays.

Im done with the ranting and im feeling guilty for feeling this way. OH how she fustrates me but i love her so much. 

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My not so vacation., posted December 21st, 2012

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